Wednesday, April 29, 2015

#WeAreTheThey - Bringing Sexy Back



A couple of weeks ago a silly little pop star called Jamelia (who previously had failed to even register on my radar - yay me!) made some ignorant and ill formed comments about who she felt deserved to be served by the high street. This jist of her proposal was that people below a size 6 and above a size 20 should not be catered to by the high street as a way to shame and punish them for being irresponsible with their bodies. This person, who's sole qualification as public spokesperson is being kind of okay at carrying a tune, then decided to defend her comments by describing her fears for the health care system. Thank you Dr Jamelia.

The reaction of one particularly peeved blogger was to create a call to action. Debz asked women above and below this hallowed size range of Jamelia's to flood social media with images and testimonials, stating that #WeAreTheThey

How wonderful to see all the PEOPLE that Jamelia has lumped into the category of "too fat to deserve fashion". The faces, personalities and styles that are attached to these sizes.

For myself, I am a size 22 (most of the time) who loves fashion and shopping. And does not like to be told what I can and can't do, or what I do and do not deserve.

Debz had asked us plus size bloggers to do a post on the rules we break - I think she was thinking about fashion, but I kinda took it in another direction. It got me thinking of some of the things that I, as a fat woman have been told I can and can't do, or can and can't be. Thinking about the stories that have been told about fat women that I have internalised. There are many. Too many to list. Many of them linked to what I spoke about in this post.

But there is a particular belief that I have held for a long time that is in the process of changing, and that's the one I have chosen to share with you this evening.

Fat women aren't sexy.

A statemtn that western society, in general, holds to be true. Over a certain number on the scale and you are excluded from sexy. No sexy for you!

Plus size women are depicted in the media as grotesque. As the very opposite of sexy. As lucky to find someone as undesirable as themselves to want to have sex with them. If a plus size woman is portraying herself in a sexual light she is deluded. Alternatively she is appealing to some sort of fetish. 

To be sexually attracted to a woman of plus size proportions, something quite different to society's mainstream aesthetic, must mean some sort of kink or sexual deviancy. Because the general belief is that there can't possibly be as many different types of sexualities as there are people in the world. (Spoiler alert: there totally are!) Loving a plus size woman, wanting to have sex with her - this is shameful. Something you don't want you friends to friends to know. And for men who do find themselves attracted to a larger a woman - it must be in spite of her size. And because they are amazing enough to see past it.

I believed all of this. Honestly believed it was not possible for me to ever be seen as sexy. I could be cute (constant default position for fat gals), I could be pretty, I could be funny (obvs!), but sexy just was not on the table for me. Sexy was reserved for thigh gaps, and six packs, and movie boobies that stood up on their own. Sexy was for the girl who looked like she had walked out of the Victoria Secret catalogue or the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition and had managed to make a sheen of sweat desirable. Sexy was not for me.

I don't know why I, a pretty open minded person, was so invested in this one version of sexy. God knows, I've found all sorts sexy, and most of them have not fitted into any sort of Cosmo does FHM mould. And yet it didn't really occur to me that someone could see me as sexually desirable. Not in a shallow, for the way I look sort of way.

Not seeing yourself as sexy - this kills your sexy. Not seeing yourself as desirable, sensual, dirrrrrty - well it means that when someone looks at you you're pretty much just grateful. Which you believe is as it should be because that's what society told you - be grateful if anyone wants to come near you.

So imagine my shock when I realised that all this is proper bullshit. Nonsense. Crap. Total wank! That totally normal and desirable men can, and do, find plus size women sexy. In fact every time a man hits on you on a bar maybe don't assume it's a joke because there are many men out there who want to be all over a girl like yolu. That decent lovely men bemoan the fact that a lack of confidence in plus size girls makes them harder to ask out - because they assume the offer is not genuine. Because they still think it can't possibly be true.

Previous to this startling revelation I actively avoided sexy. I was so scared that if I tried to tap into any sort of sexy the general reaction would be "wow that's embarrassing that fat girls is trying to be sexy" that I just didn't.

And so, suddenly in my late twenties, I found myself learning about my own kind of sexy. About the fact that I had it. And how I could own it.

And it was fun.

I started dressing in a way I had honestly believed previously was not allowed for me. I was breaking rules - my own and society's. I was being something that all media was pretty much screaming I couldn't be. A sexy plus sized woman.

And I started to believe that people out there might find me sexy. But something was missing - I didn't yet really see it in myself. Sometimes glimmers, hints, moments. But I still thought I was a bit meh when it came to sensuality. But then I went and had my photoshoot with Velvet...



And there it was. Proof. That apparently I can be as sexy as fuck. And it's not awkward. It's true. It's there. It's not a trick. It just is.

I'm still all the other things too. I'm funny and smart and opinionated and pretty and fat and dorky and sometimes really awkward. Sometimes I doubt it. Sometimes I stress that I am misreading signals or that someone who is into me is going to suddenly realise I'm not sexy. But then I remember that I know now. That plus size girls can be sexy (if they want to). There are loads of them going about there day doing it without even thinking about it. And now I'm beginning to feel like one of them...

Some other amazing plus size bloggers have written similar posts about the rules they break, so go and check them out...





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7 comments

  1. You look totally HOT!!! Velvet had captured your sex appeal spot on :)

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    1. Thank you gorgeous girl! I can't tell you how amazing that is to hear. And YES, Velvet is a bloody genius! Xxx

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  2. Fabulous post. You are smouldering in those photos. xx

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  3. Aw Leah thank you honey! Never thought I could be called smouldering...!xxx

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  4. Swit swoo! You are definitely sexy honey! Keep it up!

    C xx
    http://curvygirlthin.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Charlie you total stunner! Thanks hon 😘

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